But, you're the only person I know that knows as much as you do. -wifiwulf
I doubt both of these possibilities because Google Is Not Evil, We All Know That. -tek_hed
we have a family of barn swallows (this was the second summer) breeding in our doorstep. they emit 2-3 batches of barnswallow instances. -tek_hed
Playing PvE with random parties is like watching puppies play in heavy traffic. -Greeloc (GW forums)
if it's broken, you get to keep both pieces.
My dad's sick, and today's his 65th birthday. I said, "Happy birthday. Well, at least you made it to 65." -Stickman
To prevent this day from getting worse, I'll just read ERROR as GOOD THING -Xeon
circuit city approved me for a $3,000 credit line, i dont want that much credit. they need to have an option to accept a lower amount -MysticSeance
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
Cogito, Eggo sum. I think, therefore I waffle.
I beat the internet. The end guy is hard.
Don't litter. Spay or neuter your pet.
If your parents didn't have children, odds are you won't have any either. -Dick Cavett
The correct response to the Irish greeting, "Top of the morning to you," is "and the rest of the day to yourself."
^C is for corrupt.
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. -Benjamin Franklin
"My world has turned upside down!" "Sorry, that's a hardware issue."
I never met a man I didn't like. Please pass the ketchup.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Wait long enough and everything will resolve itself. It's not procrastination. It's passive problem solving.
UNIX shrapnel is better than Windows shrapnel.
Anyway, if you'd like to piss off your parents, go join the Mormon church.
</mr nice guy>
April 15th, 1911: Man Invents The Moon
Anybody else think it's ironic that "minimalism" is such a long word?
YES! I'd LOVE some help writing my letter!
The meaning of life is "things which are alive"
Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.
Gone with the wind in 60 seconds
I can't believe it's knot theory!
If at first you don't succeed, use a GameShark
If everybody really is out to get you, what you have is JUSTIFIED paranoia.
I'll fluctuate YOUR dissipation theorem
In my experience, any number of people can be wrong
It's always cool to hate things which are massively popular
listening to Iron Median, the new sound of statistics
Live fast enough, and in an external observer's reference frame you need never die
ninety-nine out of a possible ten
Peace at any cost - The Kill Everyone Project
Putting the "elation" into "tessellation"
Putting the "putting the" into "Putting the 'putting the' into 'putting the...'"
Quack
Rated "S" for "Something"
Read between the lies
Some infinities are bigger than others
Take that, Hermitian operators! Ha ha, not so self-adjoint NOW, are you?
The Fluctuation-Dissipation Theorem: "Fluctuations dissipate"
The information superhighway ISN'T REALLY A HIGHWAY AT ALL!!!
The reason they say nobody lives forever is that nobody ever HAS. YET.
The trick is... NOT to suck.
Three words: poor numeracy
Tonight's scrambled movie title was: "Pi"
When I am king, Linear Maths will be the first against the wall
Why settle for the lesser evil? VOTE GIANT SQUID
Yeah, let's declare war on a MENTAL STATE. Up next: war on perplexity.
Scientist Solves Chess, Claims Player Two Can Force Win
Routine Training Exercise Goes As Planned
Attention-seeking missile
Table football is so unrealistic
Internet tip: additional question marks act as an urgency clarifier, and get your question answered faster!
French Loaf II: The Breadening
Current mood: geocidal
1,000,000 lemmings can't be wrong
1996 called; they want their browser back
A man's gotta do that which a tautology demands of him
attractive, single, mentally stable; choose two
Do Not Fire From Target Continuum
Dog for sale, eats anything, especially fond of children
Everyone is entitled to my opinion
I just shot a dolphin. I did it on porpoise
I love babysitting. So much better than chairs
If you were as good as me, you'd be arrogant too
In Los Angeles, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find YOU
In Mathematics, it is customary to name things after the first person after Euler to discover them
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way
Information is not knowledge; knowledge is not wisdom; and wisdom is not foresight.
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
Never generalize
Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt!
So this Irishman walks past a pub...
This statement cannot be proven!
Those who know the least, know it the loudest
We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it
Who needs spiritual enlightenment when you've got a BFG?
WWII was won by Switzerland. They had the least losses.
Worst Wrestler Names #34: Oscar The Wild
Sports. The opposite of reading.
To be a rock and not to roll -Stairway To Heaven
"Oh bother," said the Borg. "We've assimilated Pooh."
/me misses nostalgia -skow
Can you imagine a world without hypothetical questions?
Chewbacca can't pronounce his own name.
Do Not Look Into Laser With Remaining Good Eye
Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
Elvish Impersonator
Feet are for running. Hearts are for racing.
Generally bears taste great. Any bear will tell you this.
Gyaargh! The rumours of the Daystar are true!
Happy? Better Reduce the Dosage
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
I like my coffee the way I like my women: Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes behind a donkey -achan
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Baggins.
Small things amuse large minds. -gluth
Someone's been messing with my anti-paranoia medication!
Stop Plate Tectonics!
The solution to asylum seekers is better signs to the asylum. -allseeingeye
The Supreme Court is just the Regular Court with bacon and lettuce.
There's a distortion in space-time. Jump into it?
This may not be a hushy-shushy library, but bringing in the ska band is a bit much.
Traditionally, Scottish food is based on dares.
Unfortunately, the closet contains an Orc.
Zen pancakes! Get them while they're not!
There are girls online?! EWWW! GROSS! -NotFabio
Leave a good looking corpse. And leave it somewhere public. -dem bones
Star Wars Episode 3. PROFIT!!! -Anonymous Coward
We are the Superconductors. Resistance is futile. -Colonel Sponsz
In the new version, Alderaan shoots first -Dirtside
Seven Deadly Sins? I thought it was a to-do list! -edremy
Brackets contain world's first nanosig, highly magnified: [.]
Delete all files? Hit any key to continue.
I demand a million helicopters and a DOLLAR!
In general, most people are... Chinese.
I lay awake last night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me. -apdt
Great! I Love BitTorrent. Because I hate going to the theater to see... uh, Linux binaries. -Murdock037
Cast, Crew Of Troy Begin Disastrous 10-Year Journey Back To Hollywood
If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it and yell "Tornado!"
Kevin Bacon linked to Al-Quaeda.
Remember: The old adage "Fight fire with fire" does not apply to non-metaphorical fires.
Lunchtime Achievement Award -Lloyd Schumner Sr.
Aren't there bears "outside"? -Tycho Brahe
I play violent videogames! I could snap any minute! -Tycho Brahe
Is it my fault your planet orbits a BALL of FIRE? -Tycho Brahe
Is it so hard to teach a child not to shoot people? -John Gabriel
Work... work... is that from Epic?
"You UNDID your parachute?!" "Had to. It was on fire." -Brothers In Arms
I love chess, it is like ballet with more explosions.
This calls for subtlety! EXTREME SUBTLETY! -Pokey
Winners don't lose frogs.
Francis, my throat is sore. Please laugh maniacally in my stead. -Cole Richards
How much do ya gotta BOMB people to get 'em to quit HATING you? -Bob The Angry Flower
I do all my best work while conscious -Antihero For Hire
What do they pack bubble wrap in? -Professor Ashfield
Why mess around with voodoo when you can just stick needles in people you hate? -Professor Ashfield
Death to the extremist! -Michael Zole
And you just have to sit there and imagine WHY on EARTH you can't Get Ye Flask -Strongbad
from the company that brought you "Rabbit Algebra" -Homestarrunner
Bruce Willis is "Minesweeper" -Utopia Project
Critics slate Bible for "deus ex machina" beginning -Untitled Document
Do not eat your controller. I can't stress this one enough. -Derek Clark, the-elite.net
If something happens, it must be possible. -Scott Cox's First Law Of Physics
I'm only acting retarded, what's your excuse? -Gord
Quoth the server, "404" -link
Star Wars 3, Fans 0 -Fark
Star Wars III: So long and thanks for all the Sith. -Fark
The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people. -Robert Hamburger
To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. -Tina Mancuso
Video games make kids violent! Tiger Woods PGA Tour '01 makes them pro golfers! -Dork Tower
We can't spell failure without U R A. -Despair.com
You are using 0% of your storage. Get Extra Storage. -HoTMaiL.com
If I weren't me, I'd wish I was. -Maddox
If I wanted realism, I'd go play outside. -JeremyDark
Metroids are jerks. -Meganium7
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. -GameFAQs
Videogames are the art of fun. -Ron Jeremy
CAPS LOCK FRIDAY! -Comeasur
Here's to our wives and girlfriends... May they never meet. -Groucho Marx
Ice to see you -Mr. Freeze
INCONCEIVABLE! -Vizzini
Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse. -James Dean
My spoon is too big -Rejected
Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters... -Vizzini
The principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself" -A Fish Called Wanda
Diamonds... because money equals love -Simpsons
Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds -Homer Simpson
In this house, WE OBEY THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS -Homer Simpson
The goggles, they do nothing -Rainier Wolfcastle
They call 'em fingers, but I never seen 'em fing -Otto Mann
Well, let me ask you a question. You're crazy! -Superintendent Chalmers
You look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass? -Kang
That's game, Hendrix! -Ben Franklin
All civilization was an effort to impress the opposite sex. -Futurama
At risk of sounding positive, yes. -Bender
In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. -Zap Brannigan
It's all so complicated, with the flowers, and romance, and the lies upon lies! -Zoidberg
We're doomed I tell ya! Doomed! From the Middle-English meaning condemned to ruination or death! -Earthworm Jim
Oh no! Mass! -Father Ted
I'm sick of being experimented on! You want a guinea pig? Get a rabbit! -Coach McGurk
The '90s are to the '80s what the '70s were to the '60s -Monkey Dust
Hey, I've got an idea... and it doesn't involve high explosives! -Max, in Sam And Max
Nice legs... for a human. -Worf
Next time you cross the road, don't bother looking. -Chris Morris
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do. -David Brent
Don't blow up the universe! That's where I keep all my stuff! -The Tick
Slime does not pay. -The Tick
Resistance is character-forming. -Iain M. Banks
July is sometimes very hot / but when it isn't, it is not -A Year At Saint's Yorick's by Adrian Plass
Don't move. Don't even breathe threateningly. -Strata by Terry Pratchett
The yellow face, it burns us! -Gollum
This sentence has cabbage six words. -Douglas R. Hofstadter
Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal. -Zaphod Beeblebrox
Don't shoot food. -Gauntlet
A bad analogy is like a leaky screwdriver. -Richard Braakman
ETAONRISHDLFCMUGYPWBVKXJQZ - the letters of the alphabet, in order of usage frequency in English.
No matter how hard I try, I can never fit 12 cats into one mailbox. -Brian Berry
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election. -Otto von Bismarck
The future is here. It's just not evenly distributed yet. -William Gibson
A sentence ending in a preposition is something up with which I will not put. -attributed to Winston Churchill
Your resume is a blank piece of paper. I like a man who can be brief. -Pointy Haired Boss
Ahhh! Chainsaw! The great communicator! -Space Marine from the Doom comic
Exploring: Meatloaf -seen in a Windows Explorer window
Sixteen days? That's almost two weeks! -Red vs Blue
Where do you want to go today, dirtbag? -Red vs Blue
"I can find no fault with this game. 96%" -Edge magazine
IT'S-A ME, MASTER CHIEF-IO! -RedEye
Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff -Deep Thought
They might just let us off with being lightly killed -Zaphod Beeblebrox
Love is a snowmobile racing over the tundra that suddenly flips and pins you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. -Matt Groening
Never judge a book by its ISBN number -Andrew Pearson
Putting the element of fun into Elements of Functional Analysis -Andrew Pearson
Topology! It's the top ology -Andrew Pearson
If you spot a tornado, always remember to stay absolutely still. Its vision is based on movement. -Chris Cawthorn
Don't get mad. Get even. -Simon Everson
THE MEEK: THEY WANT IT ALL -Eddie Izzard
Je dois partir maintenant parce que ma grandmere est flambe -Eddie Izzard
No car chases in books, are there? -Eddie Izzard
What's that you say, Godzilla? Old Man Parker has fallen down a well? -soldier in Digitiser by Paul Rose
[EH]Delux_Dave: ur etarded
Man who says task is impossible should not interrupt man doing it. -Chinese proverb
Famous Last Words: "Even in the valley of the shadow of death, two and two do not make six." -Count Leo Tolstoy (Russian Writer)
2 + 2 = 5 for exceptionally large values of two.
Famous Last Words: "Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub." -Conrad N. Hilton (Founder of the Hilton Hotel chain.)
Famous Last Words: "This is funny." -Doc Holliday
Famous Last Words: "Hold the cross high so I may see it through the flames!" -Saint Joan of Arc
Famous Last Words: "Turn me. I am roasted on one side." -Saint Lawrence (Roman Martyr)
Famous Last Words: "I have a terrific headache." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Famous Last Words: "Go away. I'm all right." -H.G. Wells
Famous Last Words: "Friends applaud, the comedy is over." -Ludwig van Beethoven
Famous Last Words: "I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis." -Humphrey Bogart
Famous Last Words: "I am not the least afraid to die." -Charles Darwin
Famous Last Words: "Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!" -Karl Marx
Famous Last Words: "Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored." -George Saunders
"Don't take yourself too seriously. And don't be too serious about not taking yourself too seriously." -Howard Ogden
Newspaper Headline: Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Newspaper Headline: Deaf Mute gets new hearing in killing
Newspaper Headline: Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Newspaper Headline: Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
Newspaper Headline: William Kelly was fed secretary
Newspaper Headline: Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Newspaper Headline: Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Newspaper Headline: Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Newspaper Headline: Farmer bill dies in house
Newspaper Headline: Iraqi head seeks arms
Newspaper Headline: NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Newspaper Headline: Child's stool great for use in garden
Newspaper Headline: Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Newspaper Headline: Eye drops off shelf
Newspaper Headline: Squad helps dog bite victim
Newspaper Headline: Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Newspaper Headline: Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Newspaper Headline: Miners refuse to work after death
Newspaper Headline: Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Newspaper Headline: Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
Newspaper Headline: Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Newspaper Headline: Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Newspaper Headline: Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
Newspaper Headline: Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Newspaper Headline: Cold wave linked to temperatures
Newspaper Headline: Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Newspaper Headline: Man is fatally slain
Newspaper Headline: Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
Newspaper Headline: Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded. -Terry Pratchett
Nice work, those skyboxes look crate!
Some people are like Slinkies--not really good for anything but you can't help but laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs.
In fact, we both know that this will cause damage to the system, and that's why you want to try it. -PSDoom
What makes a man is not how he starts things, but how he ends them.
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car. -Laurence Peter
CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME 
*** Lostsoul has been kicked from #extremehostility by [EH]Stickman: Bad grammar.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. -Henny Youngman
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. -Dennis Miller
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. -Bertrand Russell
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. -Woody Allen
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. -Carl Sagan
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. -John Russell
My favorite animal is steak. -Fran Lebowitz
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. -Rodney Dangerfield
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system. -Dan Quayle
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. -Ellen DeGeneres
Genius and madness are divided only by degrees of success.
The best reason to have a webcomic is to have lots of people congratulate you on your birthday. -Adis!
Do not be angry that God created the dangerous tiger. Be thankful that God did not give him wings.
If TCP/IP handshaking was less formal perhaps SYN/ACK would be YO!/SUP! instead.
Earth will be down for maintenance from 2009-2011. We regret any inconvenience this may cause. -God
Congratulations! You have won one (1) free internet!
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. -Doug Larson
A masochist is someone who likes cold showers, so they take a hot one.
Save a cow, eat a vegitarian
No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. -Yogi Berra
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. -Robert Wilensky
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. -PJ O'Rourke
This level seems much easier than it used to be.  It's because...OH...AHH AHHH AAUGH!! -Mortimer
Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at. -Carlos A. Urbizo
I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it. -Thomas Jefferson
I found some uranium in my closet. -Xeon
I wasn't saying that I'm betting $10. Heavens no, gambling is illegal in my home state. I was just saying that I have a $10 bill with a negative attitude. -Manni
Dyslexics have more fnu!
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. -George Dennison Prentice
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. -AJ Liebling
CAUTION READ WARNING: This medicine may be taken with or without food.
A: Because it disturbs the logical flow of a message. Q: Why is top posting a sloppy form of writing? 
Pong is probably the best designed shooter game in the world. It's the only one that is made so that if you camp, you die. -infinitySPZ
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. -James Thurber
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. -Putt's Law
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
For rational numbers we use Q, because rational begins with Q. -Tawney
Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. -Norm Papernick
Okay, so the word 'she' is pronounced he, 'he' is who, 'who' is me, and 'me' is ahni. Everybody got that? -Hebrew language teacher
I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member. -Groucho Marx
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. -Sacha Guitry
Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. -Italian Proverb
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. -Richard Lewis
You are wrong. Clearly. By democratic vote. -Mr. Tauney
Middle Earth, Narnia, a galaxy far far away, Village of the Hidden Mists, and Fred Meyers. -Hooktail
Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock. -Ben Hecht
A short saying oft contains much wisdom. -Sophocles
Beware of God
Don't read this.
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. -Paula Poundstone
Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. -Leo Tolstoy
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. -Brendan Gill
The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys. -Sir William Preece
If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. -Professor Irwin Corey
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. -Dave Barry
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. -Alice Kahn
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. -Ogden Nash
The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. -Henry Kissinger
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. -Ambrose Bierce
Confuscius say: Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs in back of car gets exhausted.
You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. -Cecil Baxter
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. -David T. Wolf
The last time someone told me to be discreet i yelled "KRISTIN DO YOU NEED TO PEE?" across an airport terminal. -Xeon
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. -Henry Ford
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. -Buck Henry
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' -Ronald Reagan
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. -Nick Faldo
"I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable." -Demetri Martin
The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane. -Nikola Tesla
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. -Tom Stoppard
MstkSeance: speaking of making things look pretty, i need to cut my toenails
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. -Robert Benchley
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
I once tried this dessert called "Death by Chocolate," but it only made me stronger.
Gentlemen you can't fight in here, this is the War Room!
Eat moose. 12,000 wolves can't be wrong.
Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. -Fran Lebowitz
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. -Evan Esar
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. -Bill Vaughan
"We meet daily on Thursday."
"I've learned that I will never learn." -Matt Babcock
"When you are overwhelmed, where is the whelm you are over, and what exactly does it look like?" - Bill Bryson, The Mother Tongue
"I may not always be right, but I am never wrong."
"A library is the most dangerous place in town." -John Ciardi
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. -Ogden Nash
Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art. -Tom Stoppard
Never judge a book by its movie. -JW Eagan
Filling plotholes makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I'd just eaten a kitten with a fever. -David Anez
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." -Hunter S. Thompson
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." -George Carlin
This sentence no verb.
"Lollerskates, rofflecopters. Those should be pasta shapes." -Ember
I take a lot of sick days because I'm a sick person.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. -Bumper sticker
Ember: KEyB. BRokE, BuYING     AnOTER--BBl
He knows enough about everything to be dangerous with anything. -Richard Yates
You're only a floating point error away from being a billionaire. -Lemmy Caution
Lets just kill him and then mourn him. it's faster that way. -Mr. Me
The Queen Elizabeth gets 50 feet to the gallon and 100 gallons to the mile.
"Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital" -Aaron Levenstein
EVERYONE SHUT UP. THIS IS A FORUM, NOT A PLACE FOR DISCUSSION! -Jigen on elderscrolls.com
Yoink! -xcXEON
If you ever find yourself stuck in vim, touch your tongue to your nose to exit. :q
Rule of the Vortron #27: The vortron can't kill you, but that doesn't mean it won't.
"It's called a puppy - it's kind of like Prozac." -Dr. Fun
Dogs are better than kids because if a dog gets pregnant you can sell the children.
"I don't want the world. I just want your half." -They Might be Giants
Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it. -Mark Twain
There is no IRL, only AFK.
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing" -Edmund Burke
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
"Ha! Grades shmades! Top of the food chain!" -Kira Soulstealer
"As you can see, Dan is happily living in denial already. I however, am looking for a home!" -Miss Mab
"Five million five hundred and fifty one thousands and three hundred and twenty six?! What kind of price is that for a sword?! I mean geez... this looks more like a phone... number...." -Daniel Ti'Fiona
Everyone encounters busy, depressing, angsty, or dangerous parts in their life. Especially the young ones. But after 65 it should be smoother sailing, just you wait!
I'd give an arm to be ambidextrous!
Fatal: Syntax error, LOL expected but O.o found. -ZooCity
Dyslexic devil worshipers sell their souls to Santa.
My vision: To create great online comics and present them to readers around the world... AND TO HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN! -RHJunior
Where are we going and what's with this handbasket?
Musicians have more fun than people. -Imp
The condiments on my hamburger have to be in a certain order or I can't bring myself to eat it. Sonic drives me crazy because I have to eat their burgers upside-down. -Avery
Excuses are like armpits. Everyone has two and they both stink.
If it ain't broke, you're not tryin hard enough -Red Green
I'm sorry, but if you were right, I'd agree with you. -Robin Williams
Now, now. There will be no rocksoring of the bocksors while I am in charge. -JB
Sesquippedalophobia - The fear of long words.
Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number.  You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number. -James Estes
Quote of the day: "
I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. -Fred Allen
Jesus saves! Everyone else takes 2d16 damage.
Ms. McKinney is just a victim of being in Congress while black. -James Myart
I understand naming our younger after physical or personality traits, but do we really need to let the fortune teller name our kids? Poor Dies-Horribly here has been living in fear his whole life. -Complains-of-Names
Suddenly, the room got dark... and then I realized that my eyes were closed. -Neiko
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base are belong to you
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Best file compression around: "rm *" = 100% compression
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Unix is user friendly... it's just selective about who its friends are.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
I'm sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria. -Final Fantasy VIII
Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle.
Now I see what's wrong with america today. I'm a jerk. -Xeon
I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers, but we're not Mormon. -Charlotta
Don't pay any attention to the critics. Don't even ignore them. -Samuel Goldwyn
Windows Compute Cluster Server 2003 will be available to order in August 2006. -Microsoft.com
I'm not surprised. Other people say your girlfriend is one of their favorite things. -SmarterChild
If you're a Metroid fan, check it out. If you're not a Metroid fan, get your head examined because something is wrong with you. -LazarCotoron
Calm down? Be a decent, civil human being? On the internet? You speak folly. -cinfuldragon
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. -Oscar Wilde
Did you hear the one about the optimist and the pessimist in the life raft after the ship went down? They both drowned.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. -Teddy Roosevelt
I am scissors. Paper is balanced, but please nerf rock.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother.
Lincoln shot first.
The trick to breezing through college is to not sleep. -Smight
If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -Mark Twain
Only presidents, editors and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we". -Mark Twain
Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sartre
All by charadger id drippig out by node! -Calvin
The wicked witch of the wild west!
Brailian voters, disgusted with corrupt politicians, voted a female rhinoceros into city office in Sao Paulo in 1969.
If you continue running Windows your system may become unstable. -Win95 BSOD
There's nothing common about courtesy anymore.
I thought I had a great idea today, but it never really took off. In fact, it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar. -Calvin
I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it. -Albert Einstein
The idea is to impress me with your knowledge, not baffle me. -Jimbo
I must confess, I was born at a very early age. -Groucho Marx
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. -Dave Barry
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. -Albert Einstein
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. -Henry Kissinger
Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning. -Marlo Thomas
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. -Groucho Marx
You have failed to beat fun mode. You didn't have enough fun. -Desktop Tower Defense
Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it. -C. P. Scott
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. -Robert Frost
Good fences make good neighbors -Robert Frost
Agree with me, or I'll tear my arms off! GYARRRRGH! -Tighearna Gwyneira
I think this conversation is going downhill. Lets start a new one shall we? Who likes baseball? I don't. -Faileas
I dislike all sorts of things I've never experienced. Golf, croquet, having my foot caught in a fruit blender... -Tighearna Gwyneira
Why the heck would a van have so much horsepower? Oh wait, America... Nevermind. -GiGi
I wanted to hug him with my car. -Shinerai
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -Mahatma Gandhi
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. -U.S. Air Force Manual
You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me. -U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
I am never wrong! I thought I was once, but I was mistaken.
The average person does not have adaquate knowledge.
Well, I now know what Evercrack tastes like. -Ember
in soveut rusha mudkipz liek *U*!!!!1
Roughing it these days means "two bars." -Stickman
In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. -Dwight D. Eisenhower
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems. -Jamie Zawinski
Some things are just more pleasant to live through than others. -Cedrick
[Internet users] are like young kittens. If you face two towards each other and pull on the tail of one, it'll attack the kitten it sees in front of it. -Andrew
I think religious belief should be classified as a mental illness. -Lupey
There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. -Denis Waitley
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. -Napoleon Bonaparte
It's been raining so hard that I think I saw every dog I ever owned. -Adis
Great art likes chains. The greater artists have created art within bounds. Or else they created their own chains. -Nadia Boulanger
The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees oneself of the chains that shackle the spirit. -Igor Stravinsky
We do this and other things not because they are easy but because they are hard. -John F. Kennedy
Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those others that have been tried. -Winston Churchill 
I bring gifts! (By gifts I mean taxes, sorry) -CCP Soundwave
Two rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
The very best gameplay experience is ruining someone else's gameplay experience. -Steve Chiavelli
Tombstones always get the last word.
If I had enough red pens, I could CORRECT THE WORLD!
Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. -Gordon B. Hinckley
Cheerful people are just people who don't have enough work. -Prasanna Ghali
Art is never finished, only abandoned -Leonardo da Vinci 
But sometimes you need to call in an air strike on your own position, just to be sure. -Howard Taylor
Success is hard. Failure is even harder. -Lupey
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. -Henry David Thoreau
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. -Anatole France
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. -Thomas Edison
Yoshi is the best Pokemon.
If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses. -Henry Ford
Nothing's killed me yet, why kill myself? -Voco Letum
The introduction of a new Microsoft OS is indistinguishable from a denial of service attack. -Bruce Schneier
HAH HAH HAH COMICS ONLY GO UP ON TIME WHEN YOU REMEMBER TO UPLOAD THEM. -Otter
Optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with. -Rose
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. -Abraham Lincoln
Things are getting worse faster than I can lower my expectations. -Carrie Fisher
Everyone has a right to bear arms. If you take guns away from legal gun owners, then the only people who have guns are the bad guys. -Bruce Willis
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. -Al Capone
That's why girls can't be geeks, they all know what a boob feels like. -Thunt
There are two types of company that delivers late games. The bad kind, and Valve. -Lupey
Do not speak unless you can improve the silence.
If there is a moral to this book it is simple -- crime does not pay (except when it does). -501 Most Notorious Crimes
If you feel that ... what you do this year or in the years to come does not make you very famous, take heart. Most of the best people who ever lived weren't very famous either. -Howard W. Hunter
I never trust anyone who's more excited about success than about doing the thing they want to be successful at. -XKCD
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. -Igor Stravinsky
There's nothing fun about breathing. -Jon Peters, Guild Wars 2 Designer
Opportunity often comes disguised as hard work.
The AI does not hate you, nor does it love you, but you are made out of atoms which it can use for something else. -Eliezer Yudkowsky
A shared interest in writing is like people having a shared interest in food. -Koterie
Attention all personnel: In the event of combustion, cease, lie prone, and rotate.
Love truth, but pardon error. -Voltaire
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -Albert Einstein
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. -Albert Einstein
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. -Albert Einstein
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away. -Robert Orben